What does it mean to take up my cross?

I used to think it was my walker and the neuropathy or my incontinence that has had me miserable since October of 2013.

Placing my struggles as the "cross I had to bare" allowed me to justify my stinky, negative attitude on a daily basis and by June of 2014 I was pretty darn miserable to be around, to the point that I did not want to be around myself. I had worked the bitterness up quite well. I was always singing "What the stinkin` inkin` inkin` ever"-whenever something unexpected happened. I hated myself and certainly was not in a position to love others.

Something had to change if I wanted life to be different I had to begin to do different things with my life. I started with meditation through binaural beats and focusing on the things in God's word. When talking with my mom she said, "Joni Eareckson Tada is an inspiration, you should listen to her." So doing a search on the internet and watching a youtube video where she told her listeners that the cross is dying to the attitude that you have during suffering. The attitudes we train up and domesticate.


When we meet Jesus at the cross he bore for us then during our suffering we also receive his joy that is beyond anything at the human level. We constantly die to ourselves when we rely on God's strength. I have heard that many times, but it was hollow until I heard it from a christian woman who has been paralyzed since the year I was born and knew personally what it meant to suffer and still having the grace to speak those words.


Today I stand on the hope he has given me of eternity and the expanse of love that he has for me. I look to the hope of experiencing the JOY Joni spoke of and believe I will because God is trustworthy and he has already proven that point to me in the past. If anyone else is suffering and living within their pity party may they read this and be inspired as I and correctly take up the cross and rid themselves of the sin they act out within their suffering. Humble themselves and depend on God and his strength to face everything in life, one day at a time.